Done Right

I've felt really good about three things in particular lately. They aren't really connected, but perhaps I can "tie the room together." Perhaps not.

First is our kids. We apparently raised them right.  They both came home for the Minnesota State Fair this year, and they both took time out of their busy lives to spend Labor Day with us at the cabin. Because they wanted to, not due to any begging or pleading on our parts. Though we would have been perfectly willing to cajole, if not beg.

I acknowledge that the primary draw may have been the joy of a Donna's pork rib sandwich.

But it really felt good to have them make the trips. The fair has been an annual tradition for our family for their entire lives - as it has been for many Minnesotans. And it's a great event.  People from all parts of society, getting together for a cornucopia of varied treats. Food. Animals. Art. Trinkets and gadgets. People watching.

And family time at the cabin, another lifelong tradition. As it always has, the "family" expands and contracts depending upon the weekend. But it's so good to spend time with them and enjoy the wonderful people they have always been and continue to be.

Second, Kate and I spent a quiet but practically perfect day yesterday. Yuppie coffee and the paper. Followed by a trip to the Y for Body Shred and Core Conditioning classes (the aches in my arms, shoulders and butt this morning make it likely that it will be harder to have a practically perfect day today). Then a rousing game of PickleBall - a court game we had never heard of played with a Whiffle Ball and low net with Ping Pong rules, more or less. A Costco and Cub run to pick up some food needs. In a probably doomed attempt to help me look better, Kate went with me to the "Hurtburger's" black dot sale - where we bought nine or ten shirts (with a commitment that I will turn into rags or give to Goodwill a similar number of my current shirt inventory). Then a movie (more on that in a minute). Walking through a garden store.  Discussing the movie and life. A quiet dinner. Then another movie at home (partly to watch an earlier movie of the female lead in our afternoon movie). Conversation. Laughs. Tears (from the movie). Exercise. Just a nice quiet day spent together.

Thirdly, Kate and I have started going to movies lately, and we've seen some good ones. I found "Boyhood" just amazing. Such a fresh and original approach. Really a collection of moments from the life of a boy as he grows to be young man. The choice to film it over a long period of time created possibilities that most films don't have. At at least for me it really resonated. No grand, cataclysmic epiphanies.  Just a long string of moments which had a nice progression and growth but without too much effort to "tie the room together."  The whole "present moment, only moment" philosophy has always made sense to me.  I have a little sheet of paper in my office which says only "E I +".  It's a reminder to myself to try to make every interaction positive.  Not happy or laughing, necessarily. Just an attempt to remind myself to pile up positive moments - the stuff life is made of.

Then yesterday, we went to "The Fault in Our Stars" - based on a "teen novel", I guess.  One I will have to read.  About two teenagers with cancer, their developing relationship, their world views, and more. There is nothing much more sad than young people with cancer, I suppose.  But there is also much to be learned from thinking about in what direction a potentially terminal illness leads you. Obviously, having experienced cancer at the "young" age of 48, this is subject I've thought about quite a bit. And I thought the filmmakers (and I'm guessing the author of the book) did a wonderful job. At least, their approach really resonated with me and my cancer experience. There was one line about how Gus (the male lead) was made up of both his tumor and his heart. It's probably lost on most viewers. But it was something I thought about a lot when I was sick. The tumor is you - or part of you. The whole "battle with cancer" metaphor, used so often, is for me missing the point a bit. [Note: please do NOT put it in my obituary. I'd be happy to have the phrase "he lived with cancer for ___ years" in my obituary (hopefully with the blank filled in with a 68).] For me at least, I dislike the idea that the only successful approach to cancer is to "beat" it by not dying from it. I thought then and think now that there is great value in living well with cancer. Or, more accurately, in living well. With love and laughter. Treating every moment like the precious thing it is. Surprisingly hard to do. Even if you've had a potentially fatal illness and should know better. And the movie does a good job making the point that we all have a limited time to live, but doing so quietly and with humor. So where does that take you? In the end, at least for me, the movie says it takes you to love. To making the most of your "small infinity" - in the parlance of the book. 

And in a futile attempt to tie this disparate room together, maybe we didn't raise Madeline right. She recommended the book to Kate but not to me. Maybe she knew that in my own way I had already read it.

Changes - With Wine

It's a time of transition for our family.  Kate retired two weeks ago in her usual graceful way.  Working hard to the end (she was the last to leave the office on her last day - sliding her keys under her boss's door).

She hosted her own retirement party, which was really fun.  And almost all of the food has now been eaten.  I'm a few months from joining her.  It's fun and exciting to think about how to approach the freedom that we hope retirement will bring.  Especially fun since I'm sitting on a lovely early-morning deck in Napa Valley watching an Acorn Woodpecker fly around eating bugs, drinking a nice cup of coffee.  Watching the sun make its way down the mountain in the distance.  With a trip to Dehlinger (probably my favorite winery) just a few hours away.

Kate thought that planning a trip shortly after retirement would be a good transition for her.  The kids agreed to join us (it took them under a minute to ponder the "go, no go" question and come up with the right answer.  It appears we didn't raise idiots).  She was certainly right about the trip.  It's been really fun to visit (and to share with them) the sources of much of the really nice wine we and they have had over the years.  I think the magnums of Brown zinfandel at Christmas dinner will taste all the better for it (if that is possible).

I spent 1980 and part of 1981 bumming around (I called it a sabbatical on my resume, just for looks). One of the realizations I had on that trip was that the big variable was how you spent your time.  Not your money.  I met so many fellow travelers with a Eurrail pass who spent their two Eurrail months on trains, physically placing themselves in lots of countries but not seeing much of any of them.  I decided then that I wouldn't fall into that trap.  It was a great decision, and a great experience.  Sadly, the observation about the primacy of time was a lesson learned for the trip but not one which I generalized very well.  I think that the biggest variable in all of life is choices about how to use the time you have.  My brush with cancer (now almost 16 years ago!) really helped me to internalize and generalize that lesson.   Even in my "work life" I've tried hard to focus on what I believe is important.  Relationships.  People.  Making interactions, whatever they may be, positive ones (which for me doesn't necessarily mean happy and funny ones - though that is a subject for another missive).

So what will I do with the extra time I will have post-retirement?  What will Kate do?  What will we do?  I think I can say confidently that wine will be involved.  Hopefully even more time with our many great friends (warning to you - the founder of Suckfish Tours will be on the loose).

One of the things that I hope to do more effectively in my post-retirement time is writing.  I often "think" better when I try to write down observations.  And I write better when I imagine I have an audience.  Hence this blog.  Over the past few years I've drifted to emails and Facebook postings of photos - both of which are great.  I've used this blog mostly as a vehicle for holiday greetings.  It seemed like a good morning to start writing again.  Hopefully, in this or some other format, I'll be sitting with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, writing more.

Stan

Yin and Yang

     (Thursday)

Yesterday we went to two wineries - Dehlinger and Christopher Creek. It was our third trip to Dehlinger, our first to Christopher Creek. Carmen, our host at Dehlinger, is wonderfully nice. She's knowledgeable and informative in a lovely, quiet way.

Liam, our host at Christopher Creek, is flamboyant, a storyteller. Mention a wine and he's off to grab it. Liam spent ten years playing guitar in a rock band. I'm guessing that Carmen did not.

The first four Chrisopher Creek wines we tasted were tasted from the barrel - they won't be bottled for a year or so. They tasted great at the time. In the end will they be great? You can't really be sure at this point. Dehlinger makes consistently amazing wines. Not only have I never had a bad bottle of wine from there, I've never had a Dehlinger wine that wasn't remarkably good. The quality range at Christopher Creek is wider (this observation is based on less experience, and they are newer. So I'm definitely comparing apples and oranges).

So which one did I like best? The answer is resoundingly "both of them." The contrasts were wonderful, obvious and amazing.  Both experiences were gratifying individually. But putting them together was for me the thing that made the day great.  Wine making through two lenses. Dehlinger more scientific and consistently excellent. Christopher Creek with the approach of four guys sitting around blending things together until they get what they think is right.

Oddly, the joy of difference has been a theme running around in my head this week. Katelyn, our host at Biale earlier this week, jokingly was talking about "not putting yourself in a box." She was referring to Biale visitors saying "I only drink white (or red) wine", though we jokingly took the concept quite a bit further. David Brown, the winemaker at Brown, has said that the worst thing he can do as a winemaker can do is "know" how he makes a particular wine from year to year. He tries to remind himself to start with the grapes and conditions and find his way to the wine.

Since this is a retirement celebration, the question of how to be a retired guy has been much on my mind. There is an appropriate degree of routine in life (have I mentioned I've really missed the New York Times crossword this week?). But it seems to me that one of the "rocky shoals" in the sea of retirement is becoming too routinized. Too sure that either Liam or Carmen is right. They are both right. Easy to see yesterday. Much harder to see and experience in the million more subtle ways the need for routines and "right" answers closes me off and puts me "in a box." I thought it was an interesting coincidence that I was telling Madeline about a Kahlil Gibran quote I've always loved ("Say not I have found THE answer.  Say I have found AN answer.").  I don't think it was a coincidence at all. Maybe I really do have a subconscious mind!

It was great yesterday when Kate said how much she enjoyed the Syrah wine yesterday. She and I will need to continually be open to experience. I'll also have the "boys" to help. Nine guys who definitely can look at the same thing and see it through nine (or at least four or five) different lenses. AND who are willing to discuss it vigorously without confusing disagreement on an issue with a lack of personal affection. In this my good friend Barny is a role model as well. He's a wonderful example of a person who is always trying a new approach, a new way of looking at something. When I do something for the 105th time, it's highly likely I'll do it the way I did it the 104th time (read - "a near certainty"). Not so for Barny. I can learn from his example (though I must admit it's a little scary calling Barny a role model in this regard).

Unrelated side note:  We've been checking on pronunciations this week. We had for three years pronounced Salvestrin as "sal VEST trin."  Tom Green said it was "SAL vestrin" - and he was right (or at least closer). All of us have pronounced Dehlinger as "DELL ing er". But the actual correct pronunciation is "DAY ling er."  Thought some of you would like to know. But I'm sure if you have the need to pronounce either one through a different pronunciation lens, it will be OK. Unless you are making a documenTARY.

Happy Holidays - 2013

Happy Holidays! Joyful Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Best Wishes! Joyeux Noël! Feliz Navidad! Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan! Glædelig Jul! Gajan Kristnaskon! Hyvaa Joulua! Buorrit Juovllat! Gledileg Jol! Nodlaig Mhaith Chugnat! Buone Feste Natalizie! Natale Hilare et Annum Faustum! Pozdrevlyayu s Prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom! God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt! År Ruumsaid Juulup! Season's Greetings! Peace!

I hope this holiday greeting finds you well.  It does us.  And, importantly, together for the holidays.  With Peter living in Denver and Madeline in Madison our times together as a foursome have been more limited this year.  As we drove to a party last night we had a ten minute "pun fest" beginning with a discussion of a "pan chocolate" and evolving into more and more obscure ice cream jokes - a truly wonderful experience. I wish we had more chances to engage in such group silliness - but I relish the chances we do have all the more.

And we do get chances.  Kate and I visited Peter in Denver twice this year.

The altitude might have been hard for the old folks, but the attitude was wonderful.

Madeline and I made a trip to the wet, cool Boundary Waters in July. The weather was crazy.

Yeah, sometimes a wet sock might fall in your "Splash" cup.  But it's a temporary setback at most. Regardless of the elements, we had a great time together.

As the years have passed, we have more and more great annual events that are such important parts of our lives.  Dinners with great friends.

The Boys wandering in to watch the first weekend of March Madness.  Followed shortly by a similar group congregating at our cabin for a "weekend" (Wednesday to Sunday should be a weekend - and for many of us the day isn't far off when weekend will be a foreign concept).

Memorial Day at the cabin with our bird count.  A late spring made it a record year - 77 different species sited by our intrepid team of bird watchers.

And lots of other groups visited the cabin as well, Gangs of 8, 6, 4 and 2 visited Cranberry Lake - finding a lower lake level this year due to dam repair.  It's still a beautiful place. And by next year the lake will have returned to its normal level and the pontoon will be back in action.

As always, the Labor Day game dinner and get together was amazing.  

Kate and I were able to make our way to Pennsylvania to see Kitty and Bob twice this year (Kate also visited without me).  Here we are at the Accomac Inn - serving customers since 1722.  You can add our names to the "satisfied customer" list.

A very special treat this year was a visit from our friends Chris and Valerie from Paris. They were kind enough to visit for a great week in October. The Twin Cities have some great galleries and museums - but they aren't exactly the Orangerie or the Musee d'Orsay.  So we skipped museums and enjoyed the out of doors in Minnesota and Wisconsin.  A magical week for us.

This year we were the visited more often than the visitor.  Visits from friends are a great joy.  But rest assured that Kate and I may well "darken your door" in the near future.  We probably won't bring lobsters. We might bring wine.

All the best to you and yours!  Enjoy the holiday season, and every season. We'll do the same.

Stan, Kate, Madeline and Peter

 

Happy Holidays - 2012

Happy Holidays! Joyful Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Best Wishes! Joyeux Noël! Feliz Navidad! Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan! Glædelig Jul! Gajan Kristnaskon! Hyvaa Joulua! Buorrit Juovllat! Gledileg Jol! Nodlaig Mhaith Chugnat! Buone Feste Natalizie! Natale Hilare et Annum Faustum! Pozdrevlyayu s Prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom! God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt! År Ruumsaid Juulup! Season's Greetings! Peace!

We hope this greeting finds you well, as it does us.

We are happy and healthy.  Thankful for all this past year has brought. And excited to experience what 2013 will bring.

2012 has been a year of transitions for us.  The saddest one came in March, when our wonderdog Greta's legs just ceased to support her. How do you thank your dog for a million laughs?  We miss her goofy, quizzical expressions and the wonderful presence she was in our lives for nearly 16 years.  

A happier, though no less profound, transition occurred in September when, shortly after this State Fair photo was taken, Peter moved to Denver. Kate and I miss having him blocks away.  But the change has been a good one (at least for Peter).  He's living with good friends, has a job, and confirms he is enjoying life in Colorado.  And he's home this week for the holidays!

Madeline continues to teach in Madison.  She's team teaching a class of fourth and fifth graders.  She has more teaching responsibilities than last year, and she loves the work.  She also has her own apartment and is "transitioning" to "grown-up" furniture and fixtures she actually bought in a store rather than found at Goodwill or on the side of a Madison street.  She made time to join me on a wonderful trip to the Boundary Waters this summer.

What a treat to 'sandwich' a trip with Madeline between a spring trip with Curt the two Toms and my annual fall trip with Harry.  Three in one season!

Another 2012 transition for Kate and for me was our 60th birthdays. They were fun and not at all traumatic.  Though I don't feel that I've grown up yet, it's hard to say you are young or even middle aged when you hit 60.  Perhaps aches and pains last longer - but we remain thankful for the experience.

One of my favorite transitions of 2012 was more chances to see my brother Bruce.  I love his sidelong glance in this photo.

We had a rare chance to get all the members of the Oleson family in one place - just before niece Claire headed off to India for an indefinite period of time.  It was a great opportunity which we really savored.

A spring trip east gave us a great chance to bring our own special brand of excitement to Kitty and Bob in York.

Then it was on to New York, for a memorable week.  It gave Kate a great chance to reconnect with her step-brother Fred, his lovely wife Alexandra and her cousin Connie.

Kate, Madeline and I really enjoyed the whole New York experience.

As usual 2012 was replete with trips north to enjoy the wonders of the northland (nature, wine, food, friendship - to name a few).

We did go south too - to a lovely wedding in Omaha with Amy, Dan and our many "Train Party" friends. Another sidelong glance for me.

One "transition" this year was our own little "TARP" program.  A new well and water system at the cabin.

As I wrote this a year ago new metal roof was being put on the house.  Since then our friend and remodeling expert Brian spent much of 2012 putting our house in order.  We think we have the infrastructure of our old home in good shape.

Stop by at any time and give us a chance to prove it.  Here's to a joyful 2013!

It's a Small Big Village

Hello from New York City - it's a village on America's east coast.

It's Madeline's spring break, and this year Kate, Madeline and I decided to make our way to NYC, with a couple of stops along the way. Our trip is relatively unstructured. But before we came we reserved tickets to a couple of shows. I'm told that's what you do when you come to "The City." Kate and Madeline took the lead in planning this endeavor. We'll be going to see Wicked on Thursday night. This afternoon we're going to a matinee of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. I knew a bit about Wicked, but before we came I thought I should learn a bit about Priscilla. When I went to the website, I discovered that the fourth person in the cast list is a man named Adam LeFevre, a guy I knew very casually many years ago when I was in law school in Iowa City.

I thought that was a big coincidence, but I was wrong. Yesterday we returned our car to the Newark airport and were on the AirTram making our way from Enterprise to the train station to catch a train into Manhattan. It's an unusual setup. Each car in the Tram is divided into several sections - each holding a maximum of six people or so. At the first stop two people who were jammed into the space with us got off and a handsome young man got on. In case you don't know this, the NYC metro area is supposedly pretty big. Imagine our collective surprise when the handsome young man turned out to be our friend Andy Buck, a member of our "Train Party family."

Incredible. A wonderful start to the NYC portion of our visit. Before that we got to spend an lovely evening with our friends Myra and Rob Doughty (Myra and Kate have been friends since their childhoods in York, PA) and a couple of days with Kitty and Bob in York. We clearly haven't lost our dynamism. Just a few short hours after our arrival we had reduced Kitty and Bob to this state -

Last night we enjoyed a great evening with Kate's step-brother Fred and his wife Alexandra and Kate's step-cousin (if that is a category) Connie. It was fun for Kate to catch up, and fun for Madeline and me to meet wonderful and unmet friends (is there such a thing as a step-brother and sister-in-law?? If so, Fred and Alexandra are mine). The trip to this village has started on a wonderful note!

Let the fun continue. We're off to see the wizards! I understand many people here think they are one.

Each morning we drank a great cup of coffee in Madison Square Park, checking out the Flatiron Building. We saw some stuff. Like this Russian guy on the Lower East Side with a his laptop.

We saw lots of amazing art. Monet. Chagall. Some Chuck Close - Madeline' favorite.

But my favorite was this one - titled "The Innocent Eye Test."

Had some great meals - including one at the Union Square Cafe, where we had the crow's nest table in the background.

The food was amazing almost everywhere. We loved Otto - a restaurant near NYU that Andy recommended. This pizza with fried egg was controversial. But the meal was amazing and the controversy lots of fun.

Just a great trip. Lots of fun.